SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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