So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
