I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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