do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize