Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
