this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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