Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
