so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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