I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
