i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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