I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize