He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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