just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
