Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
