dude i'm inner monologue high
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
