Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
3pm strippers are depressing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
