Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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