At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
