We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
