why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
