I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
