If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
