I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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