I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize