It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
