sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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