What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
