His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
