Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
