Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
time to smoke my breakfast
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
bring money and cleavage
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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