she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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