Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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