My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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