I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
