Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
