Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
