Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
