There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
