she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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