Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
