I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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