and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
