I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
