And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
