Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
