You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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