i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
