problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
