did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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