if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
