Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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