i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
