Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize