I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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