im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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