so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
