the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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