Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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