ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
