ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
