theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
