im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
