There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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