Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
