You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And then he peed in my hair
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