I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
