So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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