Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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