i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
