WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
