Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
