is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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