I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
