He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
