Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
