I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
