Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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