Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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