i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
