We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize