the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize