I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
