For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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