just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
