i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Randomize
