Do you still have your period?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
