His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
