I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
