Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
