Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
