He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
