Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
