yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
