i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
