I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
