cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
