i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
